s4 e10: the children

so here we are. after ten weeks (or 11, really, counting the weird week-long break) season 4 of game of thrones has come to an end. and what an end. this little blog project has followed the series through, starting off as pretty well-informed and finally just degenerating into absolute chaos as i got more and more obsessed and frantic. so it is with a heavy heart that i must post this final entry. game of thrones is loaded, ready to stream; i have a jar of reeses peanut butter and a peroni

 i legit shed a little tear as the opening themetune played. i watched it last night live and wasnt sad but now im sad whats going on

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode Ten: 

The Children

1. jon at the wall

so after the end of last weeks episode in which jon snow wanders off into the snowiness (in a scene very reminiscent of 'prologue' in the first ever episode) we manage to catch up to him again and oh yes he's still in the snowiness of course. jons off to meet mance rayder, the 'king beyond the wall', who is commanding all of the wildling armies and the attack on the wall. mance has a proper grumpy cat face, its hilarious. but anyway, mance is a bit miffed at jon snow for lying to him and betraying his trust after mance allowed him to live amongst the wildlings.

jons there to try and assassinate mance in order to bring an end to the fighting. he knows that, if he kills mance, his own life will be forfeit, but he's taking one for the team. like jesus. he doesn't get the chance too, though, because before you know it theres suddenly loads of riders streaming in from all sides in what is probably the most deus ex machina and un-tense/lacking in build-up arrival of riders ever. i'm not quite sure if they were going for a 'gandalf turning up at helms deep' kinda thing here but it didnt work, it seemed a bit slapped on. BUT IT'S STANNIS SO WHO CARES.

i love stannis.

stannis arriving at the wall is part of the 'big plan' that melisandre predicted in her fires. he is the only one of all the supposed kings in westeros who actually turned up to help the nights watch (or the kunigits watch, as ser davos called it when reading the letter). melisandre believes that this is their true task, to fight the forces of darkness; that is stannis's purpose as the king she belives the world has been promised in a prophecy.

the prophecy in the books is this: ""When the red star bleeds and the darkness gathers, [the promised king] shall be born again amidst smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone."

it sort of obviously (almost to obviously, so im probably wrong) seems to be referring to daenerys. the red star is a comet in seasons 2, and she is 'reborn' amidst smoke and salt (tears) when she survives the fire of drogos funeral pyre and hatches the dragon eggs, boom. but as i said, probably too easy, george r. r martin probably has something else planned for that prophecy.

anyway, hello stannis. nice to see you doing some actual king stuff instead of moping around.

2. clan lannister

my absolute favourites on the show. i never would have thought, when i started watching, that they would end up being my favourite family, but they are. i thought i'd be team stark 4eva idst but i am a lannister now and i love them. the scene between cersei and tywin was brilliant, in my opinion. i love lena headey's acting, she is usually so cool and calculating but in this scene her mask breaks. still in mourning for her first born, separated from her daughter and now threatened with the potential loss of her second son, tommen, she threatens to reveal the truth about his parentage (which would topple the family from power, as tommen would not be the rightful king) if she does not get her own way. tywins like umm what truth? err the incest, tywin, the incest. brilliant scene.

gonna skip forward to the ending now, as it makes sense to keep the lannisters together (even if they dont want to be *chortle chortle chortle hahahaha*). ok here be spoilers.

SPOILERS SPOILERSSPOILERS

so if you havent seen the episode yet then obvs dont read. but if you havent seen it yet then WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?????! 

first of all; shae. im not sure what to feel about shae dying. i think i mentioned in an earlier post that the shae in the books and the shae in the show are two completely different characters with different motivations. bookshae is just a prostitute who is only interested in tyrion for his money, so we dont really care that she dies. showshae appears to have genuinely loved tyrion and turns against him when she thinks he is trying to get rid of her (once he's married to sansa). so im sad that showshae dies. but im even sadder for tyrion. like, bad enough that she betrayed him but to then find her naked in his fathers bed. and to hear her say 'my lion' (her nickname for him) when she thinks it is tywin approaching.. oh its horrible. 

GAME OF THRONES STOP TORTURING TYRION I DONT THINK I CAN TAKE ANYMORE HEARTBREAK. 

then its off for a chat with dad. ok so i knew tywin dies in the books. and, just like oberyn, i was hoping and praying that the show would somehow change the plot and keep him in but- JUST LIKE OBERYN AGAIN- his death is the catalyst for some future plot points, so of course he had to go. but that doesn't make it any easier for me, or for any of us. because tywin lannister as played by charles dance was hands down one of the best characters on the show, and im not quite sure what im going to do without his beautiful deep voice and his sage wisdom from now on. 

so tyrion kills his dad. and its not suprising really. this whole season has been a massive build-up of bitterness for tyrion as he learns just how much his family (except jaime) despise him and want him dead. i mean, they've always been pretty cruel to him, but they've been laying it on especially thick this season. i still havent emotionally recovered from tyrions trial and that speech he gave, it was heartbreaking. 

why does tywin hate tyrion so much? because he's a dwarf. because he isnt the valiant and beautiful warrior that jaime is. because he killed his mother in childbirth. tywins wife, joanna, was the only woman in the world that tywin truly loved, that made him truly happy. i think theres a quote somewhere in the books that the only time he ever smiled was the day he married her. however (and i think i mentioned this before) there is a theory that joanna may have been a bit naughty. there is a theory that tywin is the illegitimate son of king aerys targaryen (making him danaerys's half-brother). so all that talk about 'all dwarves being bastards in their fathers eyes' may be more than just talk. and do we remember the coversation between tywin and tyrion when tywin says how he cannot prove tyrion is not his? i don't know, it's speculation. but it adds an extra layer of meaning to the discussion they have before tywin gets shot.

tyrion is smuggled out of the city by varys, who has been his ally all along. tyrion thought that varys had betrayed him too (remember at the trial, when varys testified against him?) but varys is good at playing the game, and he was on tyrions side all along. now they are both sailing off, away from kings landing, away from the lannisters, away from westeros. where/who to? we'll see next season. 

3. daenerys

wow. for once, the season didn't end with daenerys. but did anyone else notice that her hair was wonky? really bothered me.

so the whole 'freeing the slaves' thing isn't really going to plan. particularly when the slaves want to return themselves to slavery because their lives as slaves were better than they are now. oops. plus her dragons are getting huge and uncontrollable and have killed a child, so she decides to trap them in the catacombs so they cause no more harm. only two of them, though, because the biggest and fiercest (drogon. yes the dragon is called drogon) is M.I.A. where could he be.

4. bran. i dont care about bran. 

haha no one cares

jojens dead. stabbed in the gut multiple times by a snow skeleton. does anyone care? no. 

so they finally have got to the place they were looking for, the home of the 'three eyed raven'. who of course isnt a raven at all but a super old guy on a tree-root throne thing. because, like everything in game of thrones, 'three eyed raven' is a metaphor. and there's a reason he's called a raven, which i wont disclose now as that'll probably come out in next season and i dont wanna spoil it. 

we know that bran is a warg, aka. he can put his soul into other living things, which is why he can control his direwolf and hodor. note: living things, not necessarily just animals.

but who is the creepy little girlchild with the throwing fireness? she is part of a race we have heard of but never seen before; the 'children of the forest', otherwise known as just 'the children'.this is where game of thrones is going to get a liiiiiittle more 'fantasy'. ok yes i know it's always been fantasy (dragons being the major clue) but this is where it all gets a little bit more weird and surreal. i was a bit dubious about how the producers would deal with this plot point, whether they'd cut it out altogether and keep things a tad more 'real' (minus the dragons) but it looks like they're planning to roll with it, so here's a wee explanation. ceebs typing it all out though so i'll copy and paste from a game of thrones site. 

"The Children of the Forest are a mysterious non-human race that were reportedly the original inhabitants of Westeros. They were already living in Westeros when the First Men migrated to the continent, 12,500 years before Robert's Rebellion."

- so they are the indigenous people 

"The Children of the Forest worshipped nature gods, the countless and nameless spirits of every tree, every rock, and every stream. Their religion devoted to the Old Gods of the Forest had no complex temples, but according to legend it was the Children that carved faces into the sacred Weirwood trees.These carved heart trees were the closest thing to a  shrine in their religion." 

- weirwood trees are those special trees we see every so often with the white bark and red leaves, like the one bran touched that gave him a vision.

"The Children of the Forest weren't very technologically advanced, though they were very woodcrafty and had a great knowledge of the plants and animals of the forest. They hunted using bows made of weirwood and used blades made of Dragonglass." 

- dragonglass is another name for obsidian, which (along with fire) is the only thing that can kill whitewalkers. sam tarly used a dragonglass knife to kill a whitewalker in season 3

- shamelessly stolen from here

5. arya

the custody battle is pretty self-explanatory, so i wont go into that. but we don't see the hound die, do we.

fabulous jaqen

it looks like arya is finally making it out of westeros, hooray. poor girl. she managed to buy her passage on the ship with that coin that jaqen h'gar gave her wayyyy back in season 2. jaqen was the guy with the fabulous white highlight in his hair that referred to himself as 'a man'. 'a man has a thirst'. 'a man must know'. 'a man has good hair' etc etc. he told arya that if she ever needed to seek him out, she should give that coin to anyone from braavos and say the words 'valar morghulis' {all men must die}. i dunno, its like some sacred motto or catchphrase. but, just like jaqen said, it works. arya is on her way out of westeros at last. poor girl. think she is definitely in need of a little time out of the country after all she's seen. 

so there we have it. game of thrones season 4. we've laughed. we've cried. we've made friends, we've lost friends. we've had to hug ourselves tight and rock backwards and forwards to console ourselves as YET ANOTHER FAVOURITE CHARACTER IS STRUCK DOWN IN THEIR PRIME. i don't think i can bear to let go just yet. might be time to have a marathon from the beginning of the season. or maybe season 1. yeah i havent seen season 1 in ages. i cant cope. im in pain. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

s4 e9: the watchers on the wall

so for once i am NOT HUNGOVER whilst writing this. im actually ridiculously relaxed and calm because im trying to be a serene person and i just had the aussie conditioner in my hair for about half an hour so it's sort of like im pamering myself. so im not hungover. im just drinking milk and eating muesli.

anyway, this post will be a bit different to the normal ones. basically theres no need to break this one down into scenes, as all the action takes place on the wall in this episode. im just going to kinda ramble on with random thoughts and whatnot, cannot be bothered to make it particularly coherent or w/e.

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode Nine: 

The Watchers on the Wall

It was pretty obvious that this episode was going to be a big episode, simply because of the pattern that each series of game of thrones has followed so far. The 'BIG EVENT' always happens in episode 9. In season 1, it was Ned Stark getting beheaded (still not OK with that). In season 2, it was the Battle of Blackwater. In season 3, the Red Wedding. OK this season has had a couple more 'big events' throughout (with more to come, nudge nudge) but the producers are sticking true to form and having this season's episode 9 as a stand-out episode in the series by having all the attention focused on one particular event. It's only the second time they've ever done it, the first being 'Blackwater' in season 2. always a bit of a risky decision to completely ignore all the other characters (especially as we're all dying to know whats happening in the aftermath of oberyn's death) but i think it works. not quite as well as 'blackwater' (which is still my favourite episode ever, ships wildfire boom) but a good attempt nonetheless.

ok so the wildlings are coming. We have two groups of wilding at the moment. One the north side of the wall, the massive wildling army of around 10,000 (or is it 100,000?) and on the south side a smaller host consisting of Ygritte (Jon's luvahhh), Tormund (epic beard) and the slightly sexy Thenns (cannibals). Apparently Tormund had sex with a bear. Interesting. They are both going to attack at the same time. Oh, by the way, I am really, really upset that the word 'minge' made it into game of thrones. not ok. the writers are american, i didnt even know they used that word in america. 'minge' is not a game of thrones word. never use 'minge' again.

Maester Aemon (old blind dude) = basically a bit of a player in his youth. he says something like 'don't you know what i could have been'. err game of thrones does this sometimes, refers to something mentioned aaaaages ago that people have probably forgot but THATS WHY IM HERE. he is basically referring to the fact that he could have been king. He is a Targaryen and was in line for the throne, but he declined it. Everything would have been different if he had said yes and become king. There would have been no 'Mad King' Aerys (Daenerys' dad), the Targaryen dynasty would still be in power and the land would probably be at peace. Aemon would have made a cool king. I love Maester Aemon. I am super curious though.. who was the woman Aemon was in love with? What if they had a baby? WHAT IF THERE IS ANOTHER ILLEGITIMATE TARGARYEN FLOATING AROUND, DESCENDED FROM SOMEONE IN THE LINE OF SUCCESSION BEFORE DAENERYS'S FATHER? WHO?! WHOOOOO?!!!!

I hate Gilly. I cant even call her Gilly. she is Cassie from Skins. Sam's trying to be all noble and brave and manly and she's whining for him to stay with her. Her storyline bores me to hell. But NO-ONE IN GAME OF THRONES SHOULD EVER UTTER A PROMISE THAT THEY WON'T DIE BECAUSE LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO OBERYN. "today is not the day i die" wambam watermelonheadsmash. anyone who likes sam tarly must've had a suddenly clenching of the sphincter the moment he promised cassie from skins that he wouldnt die.

MAMMOTHS!!

wait did grenn tell a little fib to get rid of janos slynt? slynt who doesnt believe in giants, even when theres a giant riding up to the wall on the back of a bloody mammoth. clever janos slynt. well janos slynt is a douche. he's the guy that tyrion had sent to the wall in season 1 (maybe 2, actually). he was the guy responsible for killing all those children, including the baby in the brothel, because they were king roberts illegitimate children. so we don't like janos slynt. janos slynt is a douche.

not impressed.

so now jon is in charge hooray.

anyone else think the thenns face after he gets a hammer to the head is absolutely hilarious? looks like grumpy cat.

OK SPOILERS HERE

ygritte wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i love ygritte. she is basically bianca from eastenders without her silver puffer jacket and a gaggle of ginger kids. she gets shot with an arrow by the kid from a couple of episodes ago. the one who the thenn said 'im gonna eat your dead mama and your dead papa' to. i think ygritte killed his mum and dad, so he's got his vengeance now. but super sad. 

for ages all ygritte has talked about is killing jon snow, its been the driving force behind her participation with the attack. she wants to kill him for betraying her and, though she never says it, for breaking her heart. but when the moment comes, she doesn't do it. jon smiles, accepting death at her hands, and you see the flicker in her face; she hesitates, and we never know whether or not she would have actually done it.

and so we lose more comrades. george r.r. martin is basically that special kid that crushes beetles that tyrion was talking about in the last episode, except instead of beetles it's characters that martin is crushing along with our hopes and dreams. sigh. what with all these characters dying, wouldn't it be lovely if someone came back from the dead. 

s4 e8: the mountain and the viper

for some reason i always tend to be hungover when writing these, oh dear. currently in bed (in my NEW SUPER COOL COCA COLA JIMJAMS BECAUSE I ACTUALLY WENT CLOTHES SHOPPING YESTERDAY AHHH) drinkinh ice water and eating left over wagamamas because i am so hip and cosmopolitan now im a london girl that of course i eat japanese food for nutritional sustainance.

ready to rumble.

BRILLIANT episode this week after two that have been a bit slow. i dunno, just watch it as soon as you can. realllly good.

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode Eight: 

The Mountain and The Viper

shit's going down at the wall

she mad.

here's a lesson to all men. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. so probably not a good idea to get into a relationship with a woman who can wield a club, snog her atop a giant ice wall whilst basking in the glow of a beautiful sunset (which would 100% make her love you) and then abruptly leave her. because that's what jon snow did, and now ygritte is pissed. you can literally see it in this scene when she is marching through the town, she has got a proper pace on and a face that says "im coming for you jon you bastard and you are a dead man." men, if you ever see a woman walking towards you that fast and with a look on her face like ygrittes: run. run fast.

anyway, mance's army is on the way. they've done alot of talking about mance's army and its taken a bloody long time for them to get to the wall, but that isnt really suprising seeing as they have 10,000 people to move across what is essentially a big block of ice populated by bears and the frozen undead. the army is basically everyone who lives north of the wall who wants to no longer live north of the wall because it's cold and there are lots of snowzombies and apparently also a big blue darth maul ice king that steals babies that nobody bloody knew about. where are the snow zombies, by the way? i want to see more. i demand at least one snowzombie every two episodes and any episode without a snowzombie should have a dragon in it. take note, hbo. 

anyway, judging by the trailer for next weeks episode, the army will actually arrive and we will finally get to see the battle, thank god. we havent really had a proper one since the battle of blackwater (SHIPS! WILDFIRE! BOOM!) and i love a good battle. 

more heartbreak for ser jorah

alot of attention given to this little missandei and grey worm love story. i don't seem to remember there being any relationship between them (or at least not alluded to) in the books. can't tell whether this is just filler or will actually be relevant to future plot points. lets wait and see. i don't mind anyway, it's quite cute. it's nice to have a little love story going on amidst all the endless betraying. and if essentially saying 'im glad i was brutally castrated as a child because it means i got to meet you' doesn't win a girls heart, nothing will. n'aww.

i cant.

but anyway. just to make things a little bit worse for ser jorah, it's time for daenerys to discover that he betrayed her. see! betraying. betraying everywhere. endless betraying. i think i went over this in my last post about 'but who is the real jorah mormont???'. basically he sold slaves back in westeros and was exiled. in order to recieve a royal pardon that would allow him to return home, he spied on daenerys and her brother and sent reports on them to king's landing. he has finally recieved his royal pardon, only a couple of years too late. and in pretty sneaky circumstances too, as the pardon was delivered to barristan selmy. perhaps, as jorah suggests, an attempt by tywin lannister to create discord between daenerys's men?

anyhoo, daenerys is miffed and sends him away. i genuinely, hand on heart, no word of a lie, wailed out loud. i wailed 'noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' at my laptop screen. i honestly cannot deal with how much i love jorah mormont and i cannot handle seeing his heart being torn to pieces week after week after week, he is like a faithful labrador that just wants to be rubbed on the belly but no-one will love him. he is so sad all the time and it makes me sad. "i have loved you" oh my god i cant handle it i need to stop typing

ramsay becomes a bolton

i think ramsay is fast becoming my favourite character. mainly because he is being played so ridiculously well by iwan rheon. and i slightly fancy him, wont lie. this time we're at moat caillin, woohooo. it's basically a big northern castle being held by the ironmen, who are theon's people.  the ironmen took over alot of the north around the time that theon took over winterfell (season 2? why cant i remember?) and now roose bolton and ramsay, his bastard son, are trying to get rid of them all. ramsay offers them safe conduct to return home but oh no wait this is game of thrones WHO'S READY FOR A SUDDEN SHOT OF A FLAYED HUMAN BEING

kudos to hbo for getting a cool little shot of crows picking at dead bodies too, which is probably a reference to the book title this season is based on, A Feast For Crows. Basically, there are so many dead bodies lying around now that the crows are having a feast, simple.

A wild Roose Bolton appears! I will never forgive Roose for stabbing Robb Stark. Never. I think I will go to my grave rueing the day that George R.R. Martin ever put pen to paper and created Roose Bolton. Roose and Ramsay go off for a little father son chat involving a speech that is slightly reminiscent of mufasa talking to simba whilst looking out over the pride lands in the lion king. Roose tells Ramsay that he has been legitimized, meaning that he can now call himself a 'bolton' and will be roose's official heir. Roose is filling the vacancy left by ned stark and is acting as warden (essentially, ruler) of the north, a role that ramsay will now take on when roose dies. 

they ride off together towards another castle.... is that winterfell?!?! i cant tell. 

sansa stark becomes awesome

what is the show called? game of thrones. it literally sums up the entire point; it is all a game, and they are all a part of it, whether as players or 'pieces' that the players manipulate- metaphorically moving them across the board- for their own gain. up until now, sansa stark has been a piece. all of sudden, she's about to become a player.

i love sansa. she gets so much stick but i actually really love her character. and there's a definite change in her character in this episode. even her acting seems to have changed. she's gone from being a bit stumbly and confused looking to being sleek and a little bit suggestive. she lies perfectly, whereas before she would stutter and blush and become flustered. she's learnt a thing or two from petyr baelish, and is begining to lie to and manipulate people herself. 

just to hammer home to fact that she is a changed woman, she also gets a makeover. we always see her in pink and blue, pale 'girly' colours and dresses. all of a sudden, wam bam leather and feathers. i think they darkened her hair too, but that happens in the books anyway as part of her 'disguise'. anyway, i loved old sansa, but i think im gonna love new sansa even more. how brilliant would it be if she became the ultimate player of the game of thrones.  

the mountain and the viper

this obviously involves spoilers, so dont read if you havent seen the show yet.

ladies and gentlemen it's time for oberyn martell versus gregor clegane, aka. the red viper versus the mountain!! this is like an onyx versus a hitmonlee.

ive said it in pretty much every post so far but yeah this is what oberyn has been waiting for, the chance to kill the mountain (gregor clegane) in vengeance for killing his sister and her children. but it all goes tits up. i dont really need to say more. it's all pretty self-evident. 

i knew what was going to happen, but there was a part of me that hoped against all hope that the producers had decided to change the outcome and keep oberyn and that he wouldnt die and we could continue being happy and carefree and watch him enjoying all of the worlds delights with ellaria but no. this is game of thrones. and the moment you start to love a character, they gonna die. because if you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention. and whilst i hoped and pleaded with all the gods that oberyn wouldn't get his head smashed to smithereens, i knew it was a lost cause. oberyn needs to die, because his death is the catalyst for the events in the next season. [speaking of next season, its been leaked that an actress has been cast for the role of young cersei. which means..........FLASHBACKS. I AM TOO EXCITED.]

NEVER MONOLOGUE.

R.I.P OBERYN MARTELL

we loved you, and we will miss you. we cannot handle the feels. but dont worry, game of thrones fans, if you heart is in tatters. only two episodes to go before we can all relax and breathe easy knowing your favourite will last another year. if they don't die in the next two, that is ;)

s4 e7: mockingbird

i was meant to write this one up yesterday but i had a work night out on monday night so yesterday i was basically dead to the world. free cocktails all night got me drunk enough to think it was a good idea to go for a little adventure on my own. i ended up on a boris bike cycling the streets of london pissed as a fiddle at 2 in the morning, crashed into a wall and fractured my little finger, bought two big macs, climbed over a locked wall to sit by the river near the shore in front of the london eye, then wandered around westminster. almost gave up on getting home and seriously considered finding a bush in the grounds of westminster abbey to sleep in, or maybe even trying to sneak inside and go up to the bell tower and be quasimodo for the night, because his bell tower pad looks so warm and snug. eventually made it home after finding a bus stop and had a little cry because i was so happy to get on the bus. but so yeah, yesterday i slept off my mojitoverdose.

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode Seven: 

Mockingbird

1: the imp, the mountain and the red viper

so tyrion is still in prison following his little outburst. he is awaiting a trial by combat. in game of thrones world, a prisoner can request a trial by combat to prove his innocence. essentially, it's the belief that, if you are innocent, the gods will make you win. if you're guilty, the gods will make you lose. each side is allowed to select their own champion. this is how bronn and tyrion becames friends in season 1; when tyrion was cat's captive, he demanded a trial by combat, and it was bronn who offered to fight for him. as bronn won, tyrion was considered innocent in the sight of the gods, and was therefore allowed to walk free.

so noble

of course, tyrion has few people willing to risk their necks for him this time. without his sword hand, jaime knows he is certain to lose. bronn won't fight. he's been offered the hand of lollys stokeworth, a noblewoman, and can therefore expect to live comfortably (especially as he might get a castle of his own in the bargain once he bumps off her elder sister). in fact, there is no-one who seems willing to take on the opponent that cersei has arranged; gregor clegane. He is often referred to as 'the mountain' due to his immense size, and he's an absolute beast. gregor is the hound's brother, the one who burned his face (which the hound refers to later in the episode). he's the guy in season 1 who lops the head off a horse with a single stroke during the joust. he's massive, freakishly strong and merciless. gregor is the one that killed oberyn's sister princess elia, the one who was married to rhaegar targaryen, the last targaryen heir. gregor killed her children, raped her and then killed her. 

and then oh hoooray along comes oberyn. yep, he's gonna do it. i like how he picks up a torch as he announces he'll fight gregor for tyrion, just to hammer home the 'im a hero' sentiment. also, how sad was the story he told tyrion about meeting him as a baby. it explains why cersei hates him so, so much; their mother died giving birth to tyrion, and so cersei hates him. we knew that. but it's sad t0 hear that her hatred was so strong and vile even when tyrion was a tiny little baby, pinching him and wishing him dead. just when you couldn't feel anymore sorry for tyrion, the feels. the feels. 

2: arya and the hound meet another dying person

i swear to god this is the tenth dying person they have met along to road. anyway, dying man is dying. so they help him die. he dies. then some crazy man comes up behind the hound and bites his ear off. 

these two blokes, rorge and 'biter' are nasty bits of work. they were the ones in the cage with jaqen h'gar one the way to the wall. (jaqen is the guy with the fabulous blonde strand in his hair that can change his face and who gave arya the special coin she has).

there's an interesting theory about jaqen. he can change his face, so he could be any of the newest characters that have popped up since he swaggered off into the sunset. the most popular theory, however, is that he is one character in particular, one that has already changed his face: DAARIO. 

also, kudos to game of thrones for getting in a line that is possibly the saddest line ever in the show. i welled up:

heart = broken.

3: ser friendzone gets further friendzoned

whilst on the subject of 'who is daario' theories, there is another one worth mentioning, although it is a tad far-fetched. it basically sprung up after his character was recast with such a difference in looks. the first daario had long blondish hair and blue (i think) eyes. this one has dark hair and dark eyes. as the game of thrones producers know certain plot points that havent been published yet, there has been suggestions that the recast (and change in appearance) had something to do with a future development or 'reveal' about the character. some believe he may actually be a stark in disguise, possibly benjen stark (neds brother) from the night's watch, who went missing in season 1. far-fetched, probably, but interesting. 

ser jorah sees daario leaving daenerys' bedchamber after the two of them have obviously got it on. poor jorah. poor poor jorah. if there was ever anyone i was rooting for to get the girl it is definitely jorah mormont. look at his little face. so full of hope and sadness. who is jorah anyway? he's been around since season 1, it's easy to forget. what the hell is he there for? jorah mormont is a northman who was originally pledged to ned stark. his story from the book is that he married a beautiful woman who was used to riches and luxury and soon tired of living the bleakness of the north. he spent an awful lot of money trying to make her happy, paying for entertainers and singers and buying beautiful dresses and jewels. eventually he had so little money left, he was forced into selling slaves. his wife left him, and when ned stark discovered that jorah had been involved in slavery (the punishment for this usually being death) he was banished from westeros. living in exile, he originally spied for varys in hopes of gaining a pardon and being allowed to return home. eventually he became completely devoted and loyal to daenerys, and stopped sending reports back to kings landing. 

daenerys also has another new dress.

ok the rest can be summarised:

HOT PIE IS BACK

WOLF BREAD ATTEMPT #1

WOLF BREAD #2 AKA. NAILED IT

JOHN SNOW IS IN THE SNOW

SNUH.

DON'T EFF WITH PETYR BAELISH

basically.

AND NEXT WEEK:

s4 e6: the laws of gods and men

MONDAY IS GAME OF THRONES WRITE-UP DAY FOREVER MORE, OK.

HELLO.

i'm not doing a khaleesi or jon snowphie dress up this week because im currently ill and look like shit and should not be photographed under any circumstances because my face is literally like the basilisk in harry potter, one look at it and you will drop down petrified and have to wait around for some mandrakes to mature so that you can regain conciousness. that is how awful i look. i feel very sorry for myself. plus i took all my sheets off my bed yesterday to wash them and then got ill and now im too feeble to put them back on so im lying on a bare duvet surrounded by empty peanut butter kitkat wrappers (my only sustenance).

all in all i feel a bit shitty.

BUT GAME OF THRONES IS HERE TO MAKE EVERYONE WELL AGAIN

so without any further ado, lets begin. are you sitting comfortably

Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode Six: 

The Laws of God and Men

Scene 1: BRAAVOS

new place new place new place!

This episode had me bobbing up and down with excitement before the actual show even began. Finally, something new in the title sequence. We're out of Westeros and having a little explore of one of the Free Cities I was talking about in my last post. Guys, we have a new place! A new place, guys! Gather round! Admire it! Stroke it! Love it! Hold it tight and never let it go!

So this is Braavos, and it's about bloody time we got here. Although, without giving anything away, I was a bit stumped at the fact that it was Stannis and Davos in Braavos, and not a certain someone else. As far as I can remember, they don't go to Braavos in the books. In fact, they're headed way elsewhere. What are you doing Stavos and Dannis, sort it out.

mycrofttt ♥

Anyway, I can't really complain, because we get the wonderful MARK GATISS playing Tycho Nestoris. I say Mark Gatiss but he's actually Mycroft in my head and always will be. Any sort of Sherlock/Game of Thrones link is fine by me. In fact, I think some sort of internet petition needs to be arranged to get Benedict Cumberbatch in the cast as well. Or like, an entire spin-off. I want Benedict Cumberbatch playing a young Tywin Lannister and I want it now. But like, a proper Sherlock/GoT crossover so whenever young Tywin looks anywhere he sees those floaty clue words like Sherlock except it's Game of Thrones world so when he looks at Ned Stark he sees "gruff", "wolf", "winter is coming", "nice cloak", "i want to touch his beard" and "bastard son isn't actually his bastard son". Actually, let's go the whole hog and get Doctor Who involved too. Dr Who kidnaps Sherlock and takes him across space and time to Game of Thrones world where he uses his mind palace to secure his family's position as the most powerful in the land but on the way there they lost Dr Watson in the space/time vortex who ended up in Middle Earth with amnesia and woke up thinking he's Bilbo. Oh my god.

It's possible.

Also, kudos to Stannis and Ser Davos for not looking up the giant metal warriors skirt as they sailed underneath, I would definitely have had a cheeky glance. 

Anyway, Stavos and Dannis are in Braavos for a meeting with the rather intimidating heads of the Iron Bank. I talked about the Iron Bank in my last post, how they are basically a medieval superbank mafia squad type thing. Basically, Tywin Lannister borrowed an awful lot of money from them in order to fight the war against the Starks and the other rebels. He has not yet been able to pay them back. Stannos and Daviss are basically saying "OK if you back us and make Stannis king we'll make sure you get all your money back that you're owed, we're a good investment."

this sums it up better. just say it in a georgie accent in your head:

The guy frolicking with prostitutes in the bath is Sallador Saan, a pirate. He was the one who provided Stannis with the ships that were burned and sunk at the Battle of Blackwater in Season 2.

Scene 2: Yara vs. Ramsay

uh oh ramsay got hot.

Arya. Margaery. Grandma Tyrell. Daenerys. The women of Game of Thrones are absolutely owning it this season. Now we can add Yara to the list of female characters that are giving the men as good as they get. Yara (called Asha in the books) is Theon's sister. As one of the Ironborn (sort of similar to Vikings) she's pretty bloody tough. No silk dresses and songs and Sansa-ing going on here.

Theon is still being held captive by Ramsay Snow/Bolton, the bastard (in both senses of the word) son of Roose Bolton. Ramsay is still pretty much in control of the North after razing Winterfell to the ground. He's been torturing Theon, and sent his castrated penis back to his father and sister in a box. 

Theon's father wasn't interested in saving his son. He no longer considers him a man and, seeing as he won't be able to continue to bloodline, doesn't see any point in bothering to rescue him. So it's up to Yara to save her little brother from further mutilation. It turns out, however, that Theon doesn't want to go. A struggle ensues; Ramsay himself turns up. A little scuffle, a little blood spilt, then he sets the dogs on them. Yara is forced to leave without Theon. "My brother is dead" she says. 

Theon, or at least the person Theon was, is dead. He has been completely brainwashed. He no longer thinks that he is Theon Greyjoy but a servant of Ramsay's called 'Reek'.  He thinks that the rescue attempt is another one of Ramsay's tricks (remember when Ramsay pretended to save him once, and the other time he got those two girls to come in and turn Theon on before he castrated him?). He thinks Ramsay is trying to test his loyalty, and that is why he refuses to go with Yara. He is afraid that it is another ploy that will lead to him being brutally punished once more.

I've been saying it for weeks, but Ramsay really is a nasty piece of work and he's only going to get worse. He's Joffrey's replacement. In the next scene, when he makes Theon undress, you can see that sly little sadistic smile playing on his face as he surveys the scars he's left on Theon. Yep, the character of Ramsay Snow- and his next little scheme involving Theon- is one to look forward to. Hats off to Iwan Rheon (aka. creepy Simon from Misfits) for portraying crazy Ramsay so bloody well so far. And I would personally like to thank HBO for getting Iwan Rheon shirtless and bloodied up on my TV screen, much appreciated.

i should hope so ramsay you filthy tease.

I can't be arsed talking about Daenerys this week except for 

a) another new dress hooray

b) BIG DRAGON GOT BIG.

omg its goats again. this is a very goat orientated season.

Scene 3: Tyrion's trial

grumpus mumpus

I'm not even joking. Peter Dinklage deserves another Emmy for this scene alone.

I won't go into it too much, because it's all pretty evident. One thing I did wonder; there's a scene with Jaime making an offer to his father, saying that he will give up his position as a member of the Kingsguard (where he can't marry or have children) if Tywin spares Tyrion's life. This is something Tywin has been after for ages. He doesn't even hesitate before he says "done" and agrees to the deal. I wondered if perhaps the whole trial was one of Tywin's ploys. He knew that Jaime would do whatever he could to save his brother's life, and so Tywin has used Tyrion's life as a bargaining tool to get what he wants, ie. Jaime to continue the Lannister line. It is also interesting how much emphasis Tywin puts on Jaime having children that will be called Lannister. Does he know that Joffrey, Tommen and Myrcella Baratheon are Jaime's bastards?

Anyway, its trial time. It's stuff we expected. People who Tyrion had offended crawling out of the woodwork to bring about his downfall, such as Meryn Trant (who beat up Sansa, he's a douche) and Grand Maester Pycelle (Tyrion cut his glorious beard off). No surprises from those witnesses. But then Shae comes in. Shae who Tyrion truly loved, and who truly loved him (or so it seemed). And you can literally see his heart breaking. 

The Shae in the show is much more likeable than the Shae in the books. The Shae in the books is a bit of a silly girl, not really much to her at all. She betrays Tyrion after being promised a house and a husband if she testifies against him. The Shae in the show, however, is fleshed out. She's more real, she has motivations and a plausible personality and we see her get hurt. She seems to genuinely care for Tyrion, and she thinks that he is leaving her. All the trouble started when he married Sansa- young, beautiful, highborn- and Shae, a common 'whore' feels she cannot compete. All the times when Tyrion is trying to get her to leave King's Landing for her own safety, she thinks he is trying to get rid of her. She thinks that he is tired of her and wants her gone. He has, in her eyes, betrayed her, and so she betrays him. 

When Shae talks, you can see Tyrion crumble. He has finally had enough. He wishes everyone dead. All the anger, all the bitterness, all the humiliation he has had to endure bubbles up in one long, loathsome rant. You can literally see the seething anger in his face, the hatred. And that bit of acting, I think, should earn Peter Dinklage an Emmy. It's fantastic. This is what Game of Thrones is all about. Not tits and blood and unicorns or whatever, but this; raw emotion and incredible acting by the core actors.

The episode ends with Tyrion demanding a trial by combat. That'll be next week, I'm assuming, and another big episode.

so much swag it hurts

anyway that's all for now, im tired and ill so im gonna curl up in my newly made bed (kitkat energy kicked in and i was de-feebled for long enough to put the duvet cover on) and watch the walking dead whilst probably overdosing on strepsils, peaaace x