yes my sweet ones it's that time of the week again. for this weeks write-up i'm enlisting the help of a special guest-writer, as i've buggered up my wrist and therefore need someone to help me type and translate my many deep and complex thoughts to paper/screen. so, introducing my co-writer for the week:
he's a bit shy so i had to kinda coax him to to show himself on screen.
i basically put little portions of cheese on the keyboard on each letter that i needed him to type and he typed for me with his nose as he bent down to get the cheese.
i will also be dressing up as a different game of thrones character each week with alfie because why not. open to requests for next week. here's me as khaleesi and alfie as my dragon:
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Oathkeeper
Scene 1: daenerys is awesome
Scene 2: the tyrell women being winners
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| kill the masters |
wait whats going on why is daenerys at the beginning of an episode im so confused.
to be fair, it looks pretty easy to sack a city. daenerys has managed to sack three in a short amount of time with very little effort. i'm sort of tempted to go out and sack a city myself, she makes it look so piss easy. if she came to london all she'd have to do is chuck a couple of pamphlets detailing the difference in rental prices between london and everywhere else and we'd all run to whitehall and catch boris in a net and nail him up with one finger pointing towards big ben like an urban jesus. not that i'd let anyone harm boris. although i dunno. i think daenerys might be able to persuade me. if she spoke to me in that cool language and had dragons flapping about, i would probably harm boris. but i won't think about that. i love him too much.
anyway, so daenerys has finally conquered meereen. meeren is the biggest and most important city along the slavers route. the first two cities, astapor and yunkai, were to meeren as slough and staines are to london. meereen is the big juicy plum, and it fell right into her hands. her army go in through the sewers (which is described a lot more grossly in the books; think wading through neck-high ponds of poo) and go and have a little chat with the slaves of meereen, presenting them with weapons. it's all goes fairly easily from there. one of the slave masters is attacked in the street and then boom, next scene: dany has the city. she has also changed her hairstyle and cracked a smile, thank god. lets hope she finds a new dress somewhere in the city, too.
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| a new dress is out there....somewhere.... |
daenerys chooses to have the former slave masters nailed up outside the city, the same way that they nailed slave children to posts that marked the miles of her march to meereen. one of her advisors, ser barristan, suggests it is better to show mercy. (ser barristan, by the way, is the guy from waaaay back in season 1 who joffrey dismisses for being too old. he turned up a few seasons later to serve daenerys, the true queen). daenerys says she will answer injustice with justice. she must act the man, in a mans world, and not flinch from brutality lest she is seen as weak. now daenerys has the city, she essentially has her own small kingdom. we see her atop the great pyramid of meereen, which is essentially the palace, looking down upon the city, the targaryen flag flying behind her. she is more of a queen and a ruler than she has ever been before. from here on in, the decisions she must make between showing mercy and serving justice will have far more dire consequences than ever before. she is about to find out that ruling a city isn't quite as easy as conquering it seems to be.
there's a also little romance blossoming between missandei and grey worm, the leader of the unsullied. that's obviously doomed though, as he has no genetalia.
Scene 2: the tyrell women being winners
so after another scene of creepy petyr baelish being creepy and admitting to his involvement in joffrey's death (the necklace was poison) we cut to olenna and margaery tyrell taking a walk through a place that south park aptly named 'the garden of betrayal'. now, i don't know about you but i love margaery. mainly because natalie dormer is just amazing and she played anne boleyn in the tudors and she's just fantastic and beautiful and scheming. but grandmother tyrell is even cooler. i like how she just casually tells her grandchild about how she stole her sisters fiancee by having rumpy pumpy so fierce he couldn't walk the next day to go and propose. that's class.
anyway, grandma tyrell pretty much spills the beans. yep, she got the little bead of poison from sansa's necklace. AND JUST IN CASE YOU DIDNT CLOCK ON, HERE'S GAME OF THRONES SHOVING IT IN YOUR FACE.
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| IT WAS |
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| GRANDMA TYRELL |
in order to keep their alliance with the lannisters, it seems like margaery now has to marry baby lannister aka. new king tommen. i absolutely loved the scene where she sneaks into his room for a little chat. she is seductive and manipulative and ambitious, and i just love her character. and i love tommen. i love the fact that he has a pet cat called 'ser pounce'. ser pounce is in the books and, if im being honest, one of the best characters. i was really really worried that the show would cut him out and create a major gap in the story that only ser pounce could fill so you can imagine my sigh of relief when ser pounce pounced up onto the bed. ser pounce. i honestly cannot get over how cute tommen is having a cat called ser pounce. if i ever get a cat im going to call it ser pounce.
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| ser pounce for hand of the king. |
tommen is just so cute and sweet but the look on his face when natalie dormer is sat on his bed sweet-talking him is priceless. i don't think any 12 year old boy would really be able to do anything except gawp. anyway, from here on in it's cersei vs. margaery in terms of who controls the king. both lena heady and natalie dormer are doing fantastic jobs of their characters so far; expect far more scenes like cersei's "if you call me sister i'll have strangled" scene in the near future.
something i thought i'd mention; what with all the attention that joffrey and tommen have been recieving, everyone seems to have forgotten about princess myrcella. she got shipped off to dorne in season 2, to be a 'guest' of oberyn martells family. she is going to marry the dornish heir. it is interesting to note that, according to dornish law, succession is based on age rather than gender. so, if a daughter is older than a son, she will inherit, rather than the eldest male. myrcella is older than tommen and so, according to the people of dorne, she is the queen rather than tommen the king. and should they choose to press her claim (especially as she will be married to their ruler) well we might have another war on our hands.
for the other scenes don't really have much to comment upon, so i'll bullet point:
THE CREEPY WHITEWALKERS TAKING THE BABY TO THE ICE PALACE.
we see one of the horse-riding white walkers (that we have seen before) take one of the 'offered' baby boys from crasters keep and carry it through the snow until he gets to some big icy stone henge like place. another being comes forward, one that we certainly havent seen before.
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| pretty sure thats lee evans |
- Sansa and Petyr: they're travelling to The Eyrie, because Petyr is going to marry Sansa's aunt Lysa. Lysa was the woman in season 1 who was still breastfeeding her child when he was 8.
- Jaime and Brienne: the couple everyone wants to get together. This is a touching scene, when Brienne calls her new sword 'Oathkeeper' in honour of Jaime. Let's remember that Jaime is often called an oathbreaker after he killed King Aerys (Daenerys's dad) which earned him the name 'Kingslayer'. Brienne brings out the best in him, the honourable side. Compare this side of his character with the side that comes out in the presence of Cersei; cold, hurt, capable of violence (re: the rape scene in last weeks ep.
- Jon at Castle Black: that new guy with the beard that keeps hanging around him, introduced himself as Locke, looks familiar, right? He's the one who cut off Jaime's hand.
- Craster's Keep: which has been taken over by rebels from the Night's Watch, the leader of which seems to be a very foul-mouthed Lee Evans (its not). I hope this guy sticks around, he makes a cool villain, especially when drinking from a skull. What's interesting about this scene is that Bran and that lot never get captured at Craster's Keep in the books, so this is entirely new. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens there.
THE CREEPY WHITEWALKERS TAKING THE BABY TO THE ICE PALACE.
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| whut |
so WHO IS THE CREEPY GUY? at first i thought from his shadow that he was tywin lannister but from like, a parallel ice universe. then i spent ages racking my brains trying to remember whether or not he is ever mentioned in the books. because he is not like the other Others. he doesn't look like the White-Walkers at all, except for the blue eyes. he looks like a weird creepy pale darth maul. after a bit of milling around on Game of Thrones blogs I've found out who he is. And this is a spoiler. Not even just a TV show spoiler. This is a book spoiler as in, it hasn't even been published yet.
so
STOP READING HERE
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW
BECAUSE THIS IS THE SPOILERIEST OF ALL SPOILERS
BECAUSE IT ISN'T EVEN IN THE FRICKIN' BOOKS YET THAT'S HOW MUCH OF A SPOILER IT IS
OK
SO UNLESS YOU REALLY REALLY WANT TO KNOW, SCROLL WAYYYY PAST THIS.
WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE BIG RED LETTERS SAYING OK YOU CAN READ AGAIN NOW
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here we go
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ok so. as is well known, its kinda likely that the tv show is going to overtake the books. george r. r. martin is churning out one book every 4 or 5 years, and the show is rapidly catching up with one season per year. there's also the chance that martin might die before he completes the series, and has therefore explained to the producers what he sees happening at the end of the story.
so hbo are in the know.
in a synopsis of the episode on the hbo website, the creepy ice darth maul is referred to as a 'white-walker'. but he wasn't always. hbo changed it. before they changed it, he was called 'the night king'.
(larger image and source can be found here)
so who the hell is the night's king? he gets a couple of references here and there in the books, but it's best for me to get all the info from another source because i can't remember exactly:
"He is considered a legendary, half-mythical figure. If he really did exist, it was almost eight thousand years ago.... According to legend, the Night's King was originally a Lord Commander of the Night's Watch who found in the Haunted Forest a cold woman with bright blue eyes, seemingly a female White Walker. He took her to the other side of the Wall
and declared himself "Night's King". For thirteen years the two ruled
over the brothers of the Night's Watch, performing human sacrifices. The
Free Folk rallied under the banner of a King-Beyond-the-Wall and marched against the Nightfort, which the Night's King had taken as his seat, defeating him with the aid of House Stark.... After he was killed, it was discovered that he had been making
human sacrifices to the Others - the White Walkers - and all records of
him were destroyed, and uttering his name was forbidden, so it became
lost to history."
ok so he's not, at this moment, a central figure in the story. but the fact that he appears in this scene shows that he is obviously going to appear at some point in the future books. how or why, we just don't know yet. It looks like he is some sort of King of the Others. I think he might be the super baddy. like, the ultimate super baddy. who knows. but wow. what a slip-up from hbo. major spoilers.
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OK YOU CAN READ AGAIN NOW.
tyrion dies.
no i'm messing. he doesn't.
so hbo just went right ahead and told us one of the biggest twists that george r.r. martin intends to put into his next books. wow.
so hbo just went right ahead and told us one of the biggest twists that george r.r. martin intends to put into his next books. wow.
on another note, pizza.
